Nine years later

Happy Veterans Day:

This time nine years ago I was preparing to go to #bootcamp. From sunny ☀️ #florida I made the trip to #chicago to spend 10 weeks in boot camp. Yep I was there through the winter. After a bunch of immunizations, cafeteria food, and marching through #snow ❄️, three wisdom teeth extractions, and a chronic cold that turned into a sinus infection. . . My legs started to give out. We all assumed shin splints, a few days marching in these shoes right here to give my shins a break from the boots. But it didn’t help. I pushed through my end of boot camp finals and past but the pain didn’t stop. After boot, I went on to schooling. I was placed limited duty, and the medication trial and error began. The extensive labs, medical tests, arguments with doctors and looks of disapproval or disbelief ensued for years. Family, friends, co workers. . . All of them couldn’t fathom -and many didn’t care to try-

Living with an invisible disease is the more discouraging, self worth crushing, dream crushing thing I have ever lived through. Everything hurt, all the time. That soreness after a three hour workout, plus the sunburn from a week at the beach, plus delivering a kid, plus stepping in an ant pile, while mosquitoes attempted to fly around and bite. . . That’s what I had. If you laughed or danced for a min or went to a theme park- you were lying about the pain. But the truth is some days you have enough guts to know you’ll be bed ridden for a week but God forbid you be stuck locked in your #home another moment without hope for the #future. And eventual it got to the point where the doctors had nothing left to say. According to their tests I was great. Their drugs had terrible side effects and many were rules useless by their tests but they promised it would help. No they don’t, they don’t help! So I choose to fight for myself, my life and my kids. With the same passion I brought to my fooor routine as a competitive #gymnast. With the same selfless desire to serve and #bravery to take on the world that brought me into the military, with the same trust in my body to have two children naturally I stood up for myself and said NO & found plants #hopeforthefuture

Nine years later, I pulled this pair out of my sea bag and began. It’s not a marathon yet, but it’s a future filled with hope and a purpose.

Let Go and Let God

Let go and Let God I heard for the first time about five years ago. At first I would say it over the big obstacle I was facing. At that time my husband I abandoning myself and our children. Then the daily small stuff that annoyed me. But today the meaning is something much more powerful and meaningful.

You see, I didn’t see that this statement pertained to my whole life. Letting go of your life over the hands of God sounds preposterous from the world view. “Well you have to work, you have to do this, it’s your responsibility to do this, don’t be lazy or a fool” and as well as all that motivational speeches sound they are truly a prison cell.

Don’t get me wrong I have every intention of working hard. I always have. I was the honor roll, honors classes, competitive athlete, military leader through boot camp, etc etc. I enjoy working. But not working for the sake of working. Worst of all to me is that set time. You have to be here at this time and cannot leave till this time. I don’t know about you but that point right there drives me crazy! I understand scheduling a meeting or holding a class at a certain time, yes I understand time is essential. But what if the meetings are done, the paper work finished and filed? Go home to your family!! Lol I suppose for me it is in essence an entrepreneurial spirit I didn’t realize I had before. I like structure, planners, and promptness, but I believe life should be lived not lost to the clock.

So after years of making it just barely. I’m finally embracing this phrase to the fullest. I have search my soul, I have prayed for hours, sought mentoring advice, and let go of the world’s ideas. Nothing in me regrets and I will definitely miss those I loved dearly. But am sure I will see again. And I am stepping out into a season of living with passion and purpose but about all I’m giving my life over to God. It is no longer my will, my struggling to figure everything out and scrap and run the hamster wheel of “life”

No more. I am letting go of the world view that says I have to do this and I have to do that in order to be respected, a good mother, a proper hard worker, stable, provider. WRONG!

I am worth to be respected because I am a human. And we are called to love and respect each other.

I am a good mother. I may not parent the way you do or believe as they do, but I know I take the utmost care of the kids God has placed in my hands to raise.

I have always worked hard and if anyone thinks and less of me then they don’t know me. My priorities are different from yours most likely and I won’t bust myself for the sake of business. But I will and do work my butt off.

As for stability. Life was never meant to be comfortable or stable. Jesus said the trails will come! I’m not the rock and I am not the provider. Those belong to God. I am simply a steward. And not I am going to unbury the gifts He has given me and I am going to step out on faith and trust that when I invest my skills, talents, heart, gifts, love into the world: that investment will reap abundance.

Lord here is my life!

So yes I am no longer teaching elementary special needs students.

I am technically by the worlds standards: jobless

But in my Lords eyes, I am fully open for business. I have let go and I am letting God!

If you ever have any prayer request or want to learn more about what I do please feel free to send me a message. I would love to hear from you!

God bless!

Saved by the Essential Oil!

Ok, so you know the struggle is real! Mom life is something that compares to nothing else! Little people with limited comprehension, reasoning skills, not impulse control are counting on you for everything! Their entire well being falls on your hands and even though there are multiple different approaches, the desire to provide your absolute best is usually the forefront of every mom.

Then there are those days when you don’t event get to wake up with peace. Today was one of those days! I woke to the most disgusting smell. Yep it was the oh my gosh is that me or why the heck is it so strong kind of smell. Then it was the what the flip is causing it. And what even could have caused it. As your mind reels through the filing cabinet of mental smell memories bam! Right in front of you you discover the disaster of

Poop!

Everywhere on the kid, the bed, the toys, the pillows! You gag back the instincts of normal human because, well, you are mom. No one else can do what you do. Then come the flood of despair as you start to plot your course through this mission of the list of ways to tackle it without causing more mess and hopefully with out having to touch it directly! That’s the worst right moms?!?

Blah!

But here is where the story differs! I don’t use synthetics fragrances! So bam! Purification oil into the diffuser! Smell literally disappearing! Check! Then I also don’t use bleach or fragrance filled detergents so everything into the same load no matter the color, putting in my Thieves cleaning products (a little extra strength because this is just gross) and I can be assured it will clean deeply and kill all the microbes that are now crawling all over the place! Double blah!

Then because my mood in threading and the kid is finally in the tub (where she is using essential oil infused body wash) I don’t have to worry about her toxic exposure as she is cleaned. I pop in Citrus Fresh into my room to smell the mood lifting citrus and add that beautiful citrus clean smell to the house as if there was never a terrible horrible poop explosion.

So yes there was one and yes it did take a moment to tackle each task. But as a proud Essential Oils mom, I know everyone and everything will be beautiful, clean, safe, and there is a peace in my day after all!

For the video version visit my YouTube channel here:

Have a blessed day!

To join my Essential Oil team and be able to tackle these days with cool, calm, and safely reach out to me! I’d love to have you on my team!

I am Enough

These are the hardest things I have ever had to try to say. For deep seeded reason, saying I am enough to myself is a struggle. Just getting the words out.

When I tell people my story many have responded that I should write a book or movie about it. Quite crazy the desperate and terrible places I have been to feel loved or wanted. And as I age, I become more and more of a porcupine, keeping people very far from me. The lows I have settled in relationships and the times I lost my voice and allowed others to make my life choices, dictate my steps have left a gap of unfulfilled dreams but no regrets.

I have become so close to my Heavenly Father. From so many abandoning and abusing me, I learned to lean deeply into Him. And when He is the only one you have, your relationship with Him can never be lost. It’s a most beautiful thing. I have conversations with Christians who are in shock of how I speak to Him. Telling me I cannot say that to Him. But I am His daughter and He is my daddy. He knows me better than I know myself to deny the words I feel in my heart or mind is lying to someone who already knows the truth. I can come before Him open and raw.

I’m not here for pity or reveal in my relationship. Au contre! I come to show you that no matter how you feel about yourself or how alone you feel. God loves and is there.

Years of struggling with looking in the mirror, with believing the cruelest words spoken over me, and believing I was a failure from repetitive accusations. I have once again believed the dreams laid in my heart as a young girl. They have never changed. The dreams were suppressed by words of harsh broken people. I always contain a little fire within my soul, deep burning passions. Ambition, and strength.

I wanted to be honest, meek, loyal, forgiving, obedient, and nurturing. Ha funny how those can be beaten into doormat, hated, abandoned, and taken advantage of. Nevertheless, the truth remained deep within my soul a purpose greater than myself.

Many nights of Prayer in December made me face these past demons and learn the dream again. This time now awards or titles or certifications needed to prove what was there all along.

Perfectionism, goal attaining, Adair’s of being alone- they don’t hold a bar on your worth. No does the size of the group who hangs around you. At the end of the day there is only One you have to be accountable to.

Honesty has cost me friendships and other things, but I have always been blessed by God for He searches the heart. I keep people at bay from fear of the past but I know I love deeply for them more than they will ever know. But God sees that. He knows.

Each day, as I face the past, and move towards the future and learn to say: I am enough. God is able to heal this wounds to allow me to better in the future.

So say it with me. I am enough.

And begin today to walk your own journey towards believing those same words about yourself.

God bless.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭3:17-18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

http://bible.com/111/2co.3.17-18.niv

Check out the documentary Enough with Chonda Pierce

Haters, Bakers, and Holiday shakers

Hey how are you?

It’s December. This month can bring out the worst in people. It can bring out the depression, the chill, the Scrooge’s of the world. It can also bring out the closet singers, really tacky clothing, and also obnoxiousness! Please don’t give him another drink!!!

Nevertheless, it really is a season like no other. The joy, love, community, and the lights!!! Gosh I love the lights!

So how are you doing this season?

Well for me it is a hard time. December can hold so many memories. There is something about this time of year that can bring out the best and the most challenging times in our lives. Whether you call or the holidays or Merry Christmas. Whether you play Christmas music 24/7 or switch radio stations just to avoid “those annoying songs”, this time of year stirs inside you.

I hope that as you walk the chilly streets. I pray that as you glimpse the twinkling lights. I wish upon a Christmas star, that this year it will be a little bit different. A little bit more amazing than it has ever been. Rekindle the magical joyous feeling with a whiff of peppermint. That a snowflake on your nose may wisher to your heart you are pure as precious child. That the lights may glow the beautiful heart with in you to shine how incredible you are!

This December make it one to remember!

Love the haters, enjoy the holiday baking, and join in with those crazy shakers! Grab a cup of cheer (whether it is a Ningxia shot or a glass of wine!)

Let’s choose today to make it not the best time of the year but the best of our years yet!